Your Child’s Intellectual Abilities – Don’t Compare, Congratulate

Each child's ability is their own and is special.
Each child's ability is their own and is special.
Jodi Beuder
It is common for parents to compare their children’s abilities with each other and with other families’ children. We do this for reassurance that our children are learning similarly to other children their age. It is also human to think and hope that our own children are advanced for their age. Here are some quick tips to help you get out of that possible developing bad habit, whether internally in your mind or externally with what you say to your child.

Tip One
Value your child for whom he is. Recognize his strengths and weaknesses, special abilities and interests, and be realistic about your expectations for your child.

Tip Two
Avoid comparing your children with each other. For example, don’t say, “Why can’t you clean up your room like your sister keeps hers?” Or, “You need to listen better to your teacher just like your brother does.” Instead, focus on each child’s uniqueness and strengths and value as a member of the family.

Tip Three
When in social situations with other families or grandparents and extended family, and comparison talk begins, avoid the temptation to become involved in these discussions. Find positive things to say about all the children rather than comparing. Comparing abilities leads to feelings of inadequacy.

Don’t Feel Alone
We all have eyes to see the other kids at the park. Comparison is natural. Just don’t make it a habit. There is something to be proud about in every child.

Quote
“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.” (Bill Cosby, found online)

When Your Child Says, “I Don’t Fit In.” -by James Lehman, MSW


Every child feels like they don’t fit in at some point. Even adults feel that way occasionally: we all experience being “alone in a room full of people.” With kids, the need to be part of a group is instinctual; it’s survival. They want to fit in and be like everyone else because it gives them a sense of safety and security. So when your child tells you they don’t fit in, they’re also saying, “I don’t feel safe.” The anxiety comes from thoughts of, “I’m different; I’m vulnerable.” And sadly, other children tend to focus on kids who are different and can be very cruel.
Your child is going to make the problem huge, so you have to be the one to say, “Yeah, that’s tough,” and then bring it down to its right size.
When your child is getting picked on for being different, know that it’s excruciatingly painful for him or her. But you also need to realize as a parent that you can’t fix it; there’s nothing that you can say or do that’s going to take that pain away—so stop looking for the magic answer. Instead, start working with your child to give them the skills they need to solve the problem they’re facing right now.

Don’t force your child to fit in at school. Find a school to fit your child.



Anyone who has or works with children knows that we have a huge crises in education and it has nothing to do with test scores. Our students are literally bored to tears in disconnected schools that kill their creativity, force them to power down as soon as they pass through the school doors and are completely disconnected from their passions, talents, and interests. In many cases these are students who are bright and gifted but struggling in school in some cases to the point of being medicated (see highlighted portion of previous link) so that they can survive the day and fit into an environment they find boring and/or irrelevant. Sadly in many cases rather than fix the boring schools, we try to fix the bored child. This often leaves parents in deep despair and children and teachers frustrated and feeling stuck in their situation accepting this as “the way things are.”

But, it doesn’t have to be this way. There is help. There is a solution. And, it’s a little out of the box.

Get your child to a school that fits him or her…however you can. This is not as difficult as it may sound at first blush. There is a growing recognition that many schools are outdated relics from the past that sit awkwardly in a 21st century world. In response to this, there are pockets of educators, schools, even systems around the world that are rising up to the challenge of educating the 21st century child rather than the current industrial model of education that is pervasive in most schools. In fact a new batch of schools has just cropped up in New York City designed specifically for students who have zoned out in the traditional system.

The iZone schools have been specifically developed to challenge the following assumptions about current practice:
  • Schools are comprised of similarly-operated classroom units in which one adult delivers content to a room of between 12 and 34 students, for a set number of minutes per day and days per year
  • Adults dictate a course of study to children, who receive and process information for adults to evaluate
  • As part of one job, teachers manage classroom organizations; research and deliver content; differentiate the course of study according to student needs; assess performance; and deliver feedback
  • Special education students are best grouped and planned for according to class size requirements

These schools recognize the problem which they define as such.
  • Since 2002, the number of New York City students graduating from high school has increased every year, and more students than ever before are headed to college. The fact that a full third of our youth still do not graduate from high school, however, is a call to action. And that of those who enroll in college, only 50% graduate from four year colleges within six years and only 28% graduate from associate programs within the same time frame, is a call to change. (Statistics are from public school graduates who enroll in CUNY colleges)
  • Today’s schools are structured for an industrial model that is increasing obsolete to the 21st century knowledge economy where students will spend their working lives. The foundation of education has in many ways remained unchanged in that it assumes that information and skills must be provided only by adults who are physically in the same room as learners, performing jobs defined in the 19th century, on a notably rigid and brief daily schedule ]
  • In today’s schools, students are grouped in ways that do not maximize the potential of each and every student to personalize their learning.

The schools strive to address the problem with this powerful vision.
  • Transform our schools from a traditional, industrial model to one that reflects and embodies 21st century skills, tools, and experiences, so that our students graduate ready for success in college and in the workforce, regardless of race, language or socioeconomic background.
  • Personalize each student’s learning experience to meet their diverse and individual needs to the maximum feasible extent.

The Innovation Zone has adopted an approach of launching schools that embody a set of innovations that can be evaluated for scaling potential. The core innovations are:
  • Expand student learning time, stretching the school day and the school year without adding teacher work time
  • Optimize a match between individual student learning needs, learning modalities, content and instructional resources through an algorithmic engine
  • Blend distance and online coursework modules and personalized learning management systems into a brick and mortar environment in ways that allow students to differentiate their pace of learning
  • Apply gaming theory to standards-based content, creating challenge-based curriculum and an instant feedback and assessment loop
  • Create job embedded teacher teams as a vehicle for teacher organization and adult learning

If you're reading this and wondering how many thousands of dollars need to be dished out for parents to send their children to such schools, the answer is not a cent. In fact, schools like these have innovative leaders at the helm who believe that the fundamental right of children and responsibility of public education is to provide every child with the opportunity to attend the best schools. These leaders believe that in fact regardless of background or SES You Can Get a Dalton Education at a NYC Public School.

If you are curious What a 21st Century School Might Look Like here is a sampling of the iZone schools. You can see videos about each school here.

  • Quest to Learn - Design and innovation are at the heart of Quest to Learn (Q2L), a school committed to helping every student to achieve excellence in the skills and literacies necessary for college and career readiness. The school believe that students today can and do learn in different ways, often through interaction with digital media and games. Q2L builds on this belief to create a nurturing and vibrant 6th-12th grade school environment that supports all students in the pursuit of academic excellence, social responsibility, respect for others, and a passion for lifelong learning.
  • iSchool - The NYC iSchool has taken a problem-based learning approach to education. Teachers collaborate on thought provoking topics to integrate into the classroom while ensuring they still meet state mandated subjects and testing standards. Students learn in the context of real world problems, and just like the real world, they have access to a host of technology and information anytime, anywhere, and from anyplace. The NYC iSchool is leading the way in creating a culture in education that truly engages students with successful results.
  • The Cinema School - The Cinema School is an academic high school that prepares students for top level colleges through a liberal arts education grounded in creative activity. They emphasize filmmaking because it deepens students’ learning while building confidence, responsibility and leadership. Our curriculum helps students become stronger thinkers and develop the skills needed to accomplish great things. Admission to The Cinema School is competitive no film making experience necessary.
  • The School of One - The mission of School of One is to provide students with personalized, effective, and dynamic classroom instruction so that teachers have more time to focus on the quality of their instruction. To achieve this mission, School of One re-imagines the traditional classroom model. Instead of one teacher and 25-30 students in a classroom, each student participates in multiple instructional modalities, including a combination of teacher-led instruction, one-on-one tutoring, independent learning, and work with virtual tutors. To organize this type of learning, each student receives a unique daily schedule based on his or her academic strengths and needs. As a result, students within the same school or even the same classroom can receive profoundly different instruction as each student’s schedule is tailored to the skills they need and the ways they best learn. Teachers acquire data about student achievement each day and then adapt their live instructional lessons accordingly.

There are schools like these cropping up around the globe. Parents, students, and educators need to start voting with their feet, not as they are currently doing by leaving the school system with high school drop out rates above 50% in many cities, but by investigating what schools will suit the needs of their 21st century learning and teaching styles and then figuring out how to attend or work in such environments. The schools are hungry for innovative educators and students who will thrive in these new environments. Now parents, go find the right school for your child and teachers who are frustrated by their outdated employment situation, start connecting with these school leaders. They're looking for you.

Why Children Lie -- and How to Deal with It

Lie prevention techniques

 

Lies come out of children's mouths for a variety of reasons:
  • Fear. When kids are scared of the consequences of their actions, they often lie to cover up. (Are the rules too strict? Are the limits too tight? Does your child feel free to talk with you?)
  • To protect somebody else.
  • Because she is imaginative and the truth is boring.
  • To avoid an unpleasant task. (“Did you brush your teeth?” “Yes, Dad!”)
  • By mistake. Sometimes lies seem almost involuntary, and a lie just slips out, especially if your child gets caught in a misdeed. (“Who broke the antique chair? “I didn't!”) Then, soon enough, it's Sir Walter Scott: “Oh, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive!”
  • For love, for approval, and because kids like to impress people quickly and effectively.

Lie Prevention Techniques (And That's the Truth!)

No, you can't keep your children from lying, but you can make lying a less rewarding activity. Many lies come from self-protection, and you can help by not creating a situation where your kid feels pressured to lie or suffer the consequences.
  • Keep the conversation focused on what happened or what the problem is, rather than casting blame.
  • Don't cross-examine (“After you left school, which route did you take home? And this was at precisely 3:10 p.m.?”), forget the fierce white lights and the sleep deprivation techniques. Remember that the object of talking with your child is to communicate. Grilling will make him close down, not open up, to you.
  • Looking for the positive intent? Lies are a misguided survival technique.
  • Lies are easy to slip into, and even easier to compound themselves, lie upon lie. Many kids slip into lying as painlessly as sliding into warm, tropical ocean water. It's more painful getting out (shiver, shiver).
  • When your kid has misbehaved, don't trap him into a lie, or set him up in a no-win situation. Confronting him with leading questions is more likely to elicit a lie than talking calmly with him about what happened. If Tony comes home with a black eye and you scream at him, “I swear I will kill you if you got into a fight! Did you fight today?” you are putting Tony into a situation where he's either got to lie (“Oh no, I walked into a wall.” “Oh honey, get an ice pack for that”) or face your wrath. A better approach would be, “Oh my! What happened? Let's sit down.”
Behave Yourself!
Grilling is for barbecues, not children.
  • The truth is hard to tell. It's risky to confess (and risk is always hard). If your child confesses a misdeed to you, you need to 1) thank him for the truth, and give him positive reinforcement for his bravery and his sense of ethics, and then 2) deal with the misdeed by applying appropriate consequences. Doing step 2 but not step 1 is as bad a mistake as doing step 1 without step 2. He needs to have positive feedback for telling the truth and he needs consistent consequences. The positive feedback will make the consequence easier to take, and help build his ethical sense.
  • Don't reprimand your child for telling the truth.
  • Before you talk with your kid about a lie he's told, make sure that he did lie. A false accusation, or not believing a child when he is telling the truth, can devastate.

10 Ways to Make Your Kid Smarter




1. Play mind games
Chess, crosswords, cryptograms, riddles—they all train the brain to perform mental gymnastics. Games like Sudoku can be fun while promoting strategic thinking, problem-solving and complex decision-making. Keep brainteasers around the house and challenge your children to help you solve the trickier problems.
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boy playing the guitar (© Jack Hollingsworth /Getty Images)

2.Make music
Is intelligence an inherited gift or can it be nurtured and enhanced by the right environment? While intelligence clearly has a genetic component, scientific research is beginning to show that certain approaches boost learning and mental development in young minds. The following slides summarize proven strategies for building your child's brainpower.

Listening to your child play the trombone isn't always a pleasurable experience, but music lessons can be a fun way to engage in right-brain learning. According to a study by University of Toronto researchers, organized music lessons appear to benefit children's IQ and academic performance—and the more years the student takes lessons, the greater the effect. The study found that taking music lessons in childhood was a clear predictor of better grades in high school and a higher IQ in adulthood.
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Father and son (10-11) playing baseball in park (© Stockbyte/Getty Images)

3.Foster fitness
Studies by University of Illinois researchers have shown a strong relationship between fitness scores and academic achievement among primary school children. Participation in organized sports fosters confidence, teamwork and leadership, according to research by the Oppenheimer Funds. This study also found that 81 percent of women business executives played team sports as girls. So instead of retiring to the TV after dinner, consider throwing a ball around or going for a walk. Even better: Encourage your child to get involved in an organized physical activity or school sport. 
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Close-up mid section of girl (11-12) playing computer game (© Stockbyte /Getty Images)

4.Surprise! Play video games
Video games get a bad rap. Yes, many are violent, solitary and mindless, but stick to the ones that develop children's strategic thinking and planning skills and the ones that promote teamwork or creativity. Educational toy companies like Leapfrog are now creating motor- skill and memory enhancing games for small children—even toddlers. A recent study conducted at the University of Rochester found that participants who played video games recognized and learned visual cues much faster than their non-video-game-playing counterparts. British teachers have begun using some video games in the classroom.
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Girl in chair eating apple (© Blend Images / SuperStock)

5.Junk the junk food
Cutting out sugar, trans fats and other junk food from your child's diet and replacing them with high-nutrient alternatives can do wonders for early childhood mental and motor development—especially in the first two years of life. For example, kids need iron for healthy brain tissue development, as nerve impulses move more slowly when children are iron-deficient.  And studies show that poorly nourished children have trouble fighting infections, which causes them to miss school and fall behind their peers. Pay attention to what your kids are eating, and the grades may follow
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